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  • Frank's story

    What is was like

    Before I came in to sex addicts anonymous, I didn’t know my problem even had a name, all I knew was that I couldn’t control my sexual behaviour. For me sex had become a consuming way of life, I returned to the same behaviours over and over despite the consequences to me and my family becoming worse and worse.

    Our out-of-control sexual behaviours might include high levels of promiscuity, compulsive masturbation, excessive use of both legal and illegal internet pornography, use of chat rooms and dating sites, multiple anonymous sexual encounters, exhibitionism, sex work and much more besides.

    What I did about it

    When I went to SAA I discovered that my sex addiction is a disease that’s been affecting my mind, body and spirit, others shared their own experience about how progressive this problem becomes, my behaviour certainly got worse and more severe over time.

    Discovering I wasn’t alone was a liberating experience for me. It’s a great comfort and relief to know that the fellowship of recovering sex addicts exist and that we have somewhere to turn, to help us recover.

    At the meetings, which are run simply by members, I gradually emerged from my shame, secrecy and fear and became part of a community who share the common goal of freedom from sexual compulsion. By attending my first SAA meeting, I had begun to move away from isolation into fellowship and then eventually into recovery.

    Paradoxically my first meeting was a freeing experience. I met others like me and heard their stories. It didn’t seem to matter that I didn’t identify with everyone’s behaviour. But it was clear we all had a common problem.

    What it's like now

    I have a sponsor, a fellow traveller in the fellowship, who was abstinent from addictive sexual behaviour for some time and who was able to guide me through what they’d learned from working the steps.  

    The program is based on the 12 steps and 12 traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous which is a more proven and understood addiction and fellowship. Each step presents a significant action that links to the other steps in the process to establish my new way of life on more spiritual principles.

    At meetings I listen respectfully to what others say and then share my own experience. I’m learning not to judged people, not to tell anyone what to do or fix other’s problems. Coming to SAA let’s me mature emotionally, learn personal discernment and be respectful to others.

    I am now starting to have the healthy and enjoyable life that I never had when I was acting out. I keep in touch with friends and other fellows, I volunteer, follow my passions and live in my values.

    If you think you might benefit from the SAA fellowship, or if you simply want to find out more, meetings can be found here or you may call 07585 091502 or write to us here for more information.

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    Last updated: May 17th, 2023