John's story
I think I started using pornography when I was 16. It was only when the internet came when I started to realise I had a problem. I would spend hours on it, rushing home from work if I knew my girlfriend wasn't going to be there, taking advantage of any opportunity I had. And things weren't going well sexually with my girlfriend so I used that as an excuse.

The internet opened up a new world of sexual possibilities I never thought existed. I built up fantasies involving anonymous sex and eventually acted on them. I would enter a trance like state, which ended immediately after the sexual act. Afterwards, I felt awful. I wanted to clean myself and rid myself of the guilt of being unfaithful. And I had to lie to my girlfriend about it.

I realised I couldn't stop doing this if the opportunity was there - if I was away from home on business. I really tried but kept doing it.

I found out about SAA through the internet but I didn't come for months. It took a long time to drop the denial about my addiction. When I did, I was amazed to hear others speak of the same problem. And it gave me hope for the first time as I could see other people who had recovered. The SAA programme is working for me. It's not easy but it works.

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